Dropping The ‘S’ Bomb

There I was surrounded by horrible handmade signs strategically scattered around my sleeping bag.  While I slept, my older brother and sister hand painted signs exploiting one of the most embarrassing car rides of my young life.  Was it something I ate?  Was it the metabolism of a fast growing young boy?  Was it the burgeoning power of things to come?  I was only six years old and had not yet gained control of all my muscles.  That all too important sphincter muscle lacked the tone necessary to stave off embarrassing odorous slips.

Family vacations are meant for R & R, rest and relaxation.  Should I be punished for taking advantage of the second R?  Awe the joy of relaxation…  Awe the relief (a third R).  The problem came down to the rest of my family’s struggle to, R (relax), on the 1,100 mile car ride from California to colorful Colorado.

Speaking of colorful… that’s the type of language my siblings scribbled on those slanderous signs.  Did they think this was a fair way to punish me for my transgressions?

I guess I’m looking for sympathy as you picture this young boy waking from his first nights sleep at that cabin located alongside the San Miguel River.  The signs were caution signs, warning people to keep their distance, shouting out ‘danger, keep away!’  It was not as much the warning written on those signs that wounded the soul of that young man, but more the descriptive language,

the exaggeration, the unfortunate name calling.  Scribbled on each sign was the mean-spirited designation, ‘ BEWARE ATOMIC STINKER BOMB.’  I did not deserve such a demeaning title. (I do however acknowledge that some would consider such a distinction as honorable)

I concede that dropping the ‘S’ bomb should have been expected.  Calling attention to ones “stinkers” is one thing but it’s quite another to describe someone’s gaseous slippage as nuclear or atomic!  In fact, I think it’s outrageous!   My behavior did not merit such destructive use of the English language.  To say I was devastated would be an understatement.

Had this attack occurred in today’s politically correct culture I could have sued, I would have been rich… possibly a lawsuit is still in order.  On the other hand, in light of the concern about Global warming and carbon gases, had my behavior occurred today, I would likely be in trouble with Al Gore.

Now you understand why I empathize with the astronauts and cosmonauts when a few years ago late-night talks show hosts poked fun at the failure of the Space Station plumbing.  Enough is enough!  Let’s cease this mean-spirited attack on those who have no control over the smells that linger after them.  No more space station potty humor and for goodness sakes no more attacking young children just because of their tendency toward R & R, Relaxation then relief!

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